Just Passing Through...For Now

 


Following my month long hiatus from Instagram, I have many conflicting feelings.


I look over my ~work~ here, and I can’t bring myself to permanently delete this app, which has chronicled some wonderful and not-so-wonderful life moments. I’m sure I’m not the only one who looks over their own posts and assesses their personal growth, which is what makes deleting so hard; my Instagram reads like a diary most days, so how can I part with it? ๐Ÿ˜Œ


I really love creating, sharing, helping, and informing you all. Last year, my Insta community helped to raise money for people in need. You listened to me fight misinformation, and most of you hung on. You supported me through my hot-and-cold #Cancer mood swings and frequent over-shares of my life and filial tribulations.


I still can’t believe what we were able to accomplish together or that any of you cared to help me with the things I worried about. I’m so grateful for these experiences, and I hope you’ll continue to support me in future communal endeavors.


But Instagram feels different now. It feels show-y, like we’re all performing. Maybe you’ll roll your eyes, which I so get, because I used to hate when I was met with some anti-social media cynic, but a month away got me questioning lots of things:


Can I/ should I keep up with a life of social-media voyeurism?


Do I think the pressure of “keeping up” is worth it?


Does it help my mental health to read constant negative news which affects my entire day/ week?


Does it help to angrily complain and do nothing?


Will no one holding me accountable online mean I won’t hold myself accountable offline?


Why am I sharing what I share?


Do I want to contribute to an influencer agenda of pro-capitalism?


What DO I want to do with the small influence I have?


Am I doing enough?


Am I enough?


I know that, in the world of Instagram, having less than 1,000 followers and having the worries I do about my ~influence~ seems premature or unnecessary, but if 900+ people were gathered into a room and observed everything you did, you’d think otherwise. It’s a big deal, and it’s a huge responsibility how we present ourselves and how we represent each other. 


I am not here for judging others anymore. I am not here for a woke contest. I am here for the people who talk the talk and walk the walk. I want to belong in a group of doers, with people who get things done and make the world a better place—and not for show or anything like that—but because compassion and empathy move us to help others.


This means future content, whatever it will be, will be strategic. Content will provide an action plan. Content may be far and few between, but content will be meaningful and purposeful.


In the least judge-y, internet tone I can muster, I vow to be better (and that doesn’t mean better than you). For me, that means occasionally chiming in if I feel it’ll benefit any one of you. But if I’m gone here and there, know that I’m doing okay. Thank you to those who reached out to check on me or if my absence even crossed your mind once. I appreciate you all for bearing with me and my unusually long “captions.” I realize frequent revelations are kind of my thing (the effect of being overly introspective๐Ÿ™„).


This time when I say “until next time,” I really mean it. @cordiallybianca is here to stay, but she’s not hanging around everyday. Does that make sense?

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