Self-Love: Body Edition

This month alone, I've heard three of my girlfriends complain about their weight gain or parts of their body they are finding hard to love at the moment. They were really harsh on themselves and their extra poundage, but all I could see was how beautiful each of them were. Hopefully, my friends don't read this and think, "I am never telling Bianca anything again," because I'm lucky they trust me with their insecurities, and I'm equally glad to steer them away from their negative self-talk with the praise and love they deserve. Mind you, these are just my friends who are vocal about their discontent. How many others struggle silently?

I do get it; quarantine has most of eating our feelings, and we're trying to get comfortable in our new-ish bodies and finding it difficult. Clothes don't fit like they used to, double chins are prominent as is leg cellulite. We're changing, and it's drilled into us that fat is not cute (which is not true FYI).

So many voices that enjoy shaming us about our bodies will say I am glorifying one type over another or fetishizing "unhealthy" bodies. I'm not. When you look at a bigger-bodied person, you shame them for how they dare to exist in their body, not because of their health habits--that's number one. If you saw a slimmer body smoking and eating junk food, you wouldn't shame them for THEIR unhealthy habits. You might even remark on how good or fit they looked. It's not about health. If you thought you would do both to either woman--your issue is you. Look at yourself, and ask: WHO AM I TO SHAME OTHERS AT ALL?

Look, I'm not trying to be another body-positive voice in the online world; I think we're over-saturated with this sort of content as it is, so I won't preach something we all already know, which is that we are trained to hate ourselves for our differences and imperfections, whether they relate to weight, body hair, skin colors, hair textures, or nose, eye, lip, and body sizes. We're good. But, girls, for real...WE HAVE GOT TO START BEING NICER TO OURSELVES.

I look at other girls, and I'm like, "Yeah, she's a beaut!" Like, without a doubt. But that same girl will be all, "OMG, I'm so ugly, I could JUST DIE!" And they're not! Girls are so beautiful, man! All girls...Girls bigger or smaller than me--it's like I see their soul shine through. They're gorgeous, but also...beyond their beauty? And I love to think of it this way, because when you're old and wrinkled and can't rely on your face or your body or your hip clothes anymore, who are you? What makes you worthy and special now?

I'm not perfect. I spent my entire youth RARELY showing my arms or legs, or thinking I was always a bit chubbier than I was. When I look back at photos, I wonder what I ever saw that was so wrong. The negative chatter will always be there in the backs of our minds thanks to the capitalistic nature of our country which profits off of our insecurities and which upholds, predominantly, European standards of beauty. SO, we may as well ignore that chatter and REPLACE them with self-love. Yes, I'm a little heavier now, easily fatigued when I do move. I can work out so my body feels good, because I want to honor it, because I am blessed with moving, working limbs, but I will not hate my body, and I implore you to do the same.

Please love yourself enough to practice physical discipline if you feel it makes you happier to do so. But do not internalize hate for the flesh which cages your soul. Do not think that your worth and the number on a scale are directly correlated. They are not.

My arms were always an insecurity of mine. To this day, I unconsciously find myself covering them up with sleeved shirts, jackets, or cardigans--even in the heat. But now, I am holding them up for display. In certain angles, they look slimmer than they are. In others, it is clear there is more of me to love, but I'm not ashamed of them anymore, and I won't cover them up. I will be that same friend I am to others to myself.

And you know what, I hope you can be that for yourself too.

Until next time.

Cordially,


Bianca